coming out.

186.

this is gonna be harder than I thought. I want to get down to around 140..so I've got quite a ways to go. this is honestly embarrassing.

and all day today temptation stared me in the face. especially the homemade chocolate cupcakes with homemade peanut butter icing sitting in the office. But I didn't give in.

then after work I went shopping (at Piggly Wiggly..what the heck? don't ask) for some healthy foods. Yogurt, sugar-free pudding, Lean Cuisines, Kashi, soups. Stuff like that. and water. lots and lots of water.

Now I'm waiting on my FIL (aka father-in-law) to get home with some turkey burgers because piggly wiggly totally doesn't carry them (why did I go there again?) and I'm really craving them.

my mother had to go on a diabetic diet. she went to the doctor and found out she's like a point away from having diabetes..sooo having her encouragement, knowing she's going through the same thing will help. I swear, that woman always has something wrong with her.

thought about trying Alli, but after hearing there's a good chance that I will have no control over my bowels, no thanks.

that is all.

PS-sorry about not posting yesterday (my bad, Candice!) but spending some quality time with the husband after work was worth missing a post in my book :-)

body issues

let's face it. as women, we always have body issues. None of us have ever been entirely happy with our bodies, and I'm no exception. I've always had issues with my body, even when I had no reason to. About three years ago, when I was at my thinnest and fittest (not a word) I wasn't happy with myself, still. I had a small tummy, but I hated my big hips and small, um, ahem, girls. Since then I've gained about forty pounds, and that really makes me think about how good I really looked. My "girls" have grown, but so has my tummy, hips, thighs, you name it. When I look back on that now, I love the way I looked then. I was thin, not fat or stick-skinny with nice curves. I wish I looked that way still. What is it about MARRIAGE? Not that I regret it, where would I be without my DH? But gaining the weight sucks, and it was more than the 10-15 they say you pack on..which I could have dealt with. No, forty!

So here begins my journey. I've "tried" a lot of dieting, and it always fails, but seriously now is the time and I have to do this. I have to control my weight before it gets too out of hand. I need support, so anybody that want to donate encouraging words/advice, I'm all ears. I plan on walking/yoga/eating healthy/vitamins..anything I can.

I also feels it's important to stay busy. I think I have a tendency to snack when I laze around on my butt. I am going to begin as of now. As a way to actually keep myself on this, I am going to post my weight. *cringe* That can wait til tomorrow.

I want to feel pretty again, heck, even sexy, because when I was smaller, I did feel sexy. I felt womanly and beautiful and I want to get back to that. Here's to hoping.

Now, bed. Up at 4 freakin' 30 for work. ugh.